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Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Wonder Where did I go Wrong

If there's one thing I learned over the weekend, it's that dreamers and realists do balance each other out.
It is true. I have to agree with Cam in Modern Family, 
"There are dreamers and there are realists in this world, you think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. See the dreamers need the realists to keep the dreamers from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground."
It is so frustrating, how do you make someone understand the situation when they could not care less?
It is difficult to maintain a good relationship with everyone, and not be fake in the same circle of friends.
I am asked to promise not to tell. I have to respect that.
It is not a big secret but I still have to choose my words wisely. 
It is hard to ignore all the gossip and forgive those who backstab.
Not everyone can or willing to admit their mistake. 
It is easy to complain, walk away and let others clean up the mess.
If only people are more forgiving and less belittling among each other, there will be no misunderstanding.

I was this close to snap or give someone important the cold shoulder. 
Why be nice to people when they treat you poorly or do not appreciate?
Well being the altruistic me as usual, I decided not to walk down the nasty road.
I hit the gym, to see if I still had that strange feeling but ended up hurting myself instead.
Yes it was waiting to explode, I focused on the pain, the only thing that's real now.
It made me recall how the needle tore a hole, that familiar sting.
I tried to kill the thought away but I still remember everything clearly.
Finally with just little energy left, I finished my drink, off the phone and closed my eyes.
"Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him. Even if it's personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again,' forgive him." Luke 17:3-4(MSG)
My sweetest friend, 
What have I become, everyone I know has something to say
But I want to hear it from you if it is true (not anyone else)
Did I let you down, was I not there when you needed me
You could have it all, I have nothing more to offer
I feel like an empty shell ... imperfect and a little bit cracked
Johnny Cash sings "I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar's chair full of broken thoughts I cannot repair"
Will our friendship stand the test of time as she is slowly disappearing from my life
Even as I see you turn into someone else, I want you to know I am still right here, I am still the same
I could start again, I could wait or I could find a way back to you even if you are far away
Some may say I am a dreamer but I am not the only one
She may be a realist or an opportunist ... a romantic with a hint of cynicism
I accept who she is,  we may be different but we are still friends
Right now I am just not ready to give up hope on her and our friendship.
"You may not think that you can have a huge impact on our world, but I believe that you can."
Exodus 38:1-31
When the time is right, when she is ready, I know she will realise this "If you, and everyone else around you, contributed just a small amount of time and money to the needs that cross your path then our world would truly be a better place."
Lord, we should be blessed with all we have. I pray that she could hold loosely to the things that she owns and be a little more generous with all that she has.

If you are having a rough day like me? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That's call purpose. You're alive for a reason. Never give up. As long as you are still breathing, you still have hope.
While writing this, the song "Same Mistake" started playing, listening to the lyrics ... timing couldn't be any better. I will have a good rest tonight for tomorrow is just another day that I'll probably never forget.