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Monday, 20 February 2012

Story of A Legless Bird

Final Chapter 

God answered my prayers and sent me a sweet angel this time.
He told me to trust him. 
But what should I do next? Every time I disobey His command,
I end up hurt and alone. 
When I listen to him and follow his orders I end up nowhere either.

Am I not good enough for Him? 
Did something went wrong somewhere? 
What did I not do right this time? 
How can I trust Him completely? 

All these question clouded my mind almost at every possible place on any inconvenient time 
(luckily except at work or gym) 
Therefore I notice I stayed back later in the office and even come in on weekends, 
push myself harder in gym almost to the point that my body is failing me.

I have heard people warning me to be careful (and why won't they tell me the reason?) *frustrated 
I have seen things happened before my own eyes, but it did not effect my heart 
(have I turned into a cold hearted person?) *hopeless
I know the fact I can't please everyone and important people in my life is starting to get upset/ losing hope.

Yet He wants me to stay, be patient and faithful with no further instruction for a very long time ... silence 
(hello the clock is ticking here) 
Frankly speaking I am not a very patient person, if it were up to me I would have ignore Him and left. 
But I had enough of flying away, I have to accept the fact that He controls my life, I can fly but I can't hide. 
Over past few years I can truly see myself spending my entire life in the air ... 
hence the nickname Legless Bird. 

Well of course, there are no such birds but do you know that some really spend their life up in the sky and even, sometimes, will sleep while flying! Amazing ... flight mode invention.

Now no matter how hard I flap my wings, I notice I will always return to the same tree/ situation. 
(this wonderful dream / fairy tale is starting to turn into a nightmare) 

I need to free myself from troubles and listen closely to His words.
I guess that is the only way I can grow stronger physically and emotionally, healthy mentally and spiritually. 

I have decided how I am going to do it now, focus on loving myself more, 
healing my body and it's finally time for me to settle down. 

No more flying away when I fear, I need to find the key to unlock my sealed fragile heart. 
No more being a nice person, I need to challenge Him once again.

Can I trust He has everything in control and will only give me what is best for me?
Only time can tell, my little legless bird 


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